Confessions In The Rain
by BleedingSaro
Summary: I love him... I love him more than words can ever say. But I won't tell him. I don't want to face the fact that he doesn't love me back. IchiRuki Fluff. NOTE TO FAMILIAR READERS: check profile. R


'_No', _I told myself for the millionth time that day, trudging along a few steps behind the orange-headed boy who I had spent the last year of my life with. '_No'. _

'_I can't fall for him. I just can't. No.' _

The sun shone down from a cloudless, too-blue-to-be-real sky, making his hair glow even more vivid; if that was even possible. So far, he hadn't noticed the great distance I had put between the two of us. Then again, if he did, I'm sure he wouldn't really care. He might ask what was bothering me, but he wouldn't actually be _concerned. _

'_I can't fall for him. I __**won't… But then again…'**_

He stopped suddenly and turned around, his chocolate brown eyes staring into my own. I felt my face go hot from the eye contact and looked away, focusing my gaze on the concrete beneath my feet.

"What's with _you?"_ he asked.

"Oh, it's nothing!" I lied, a bit too hastily. He cocked an eyebrow, and I could tell that he wasn't deceived.

"Tell me."

To my dismay –and surprise-, he started towards me. I was doing all that I could not to back away. Biting down on my bottom lip, and with my eyes still focused on the ground as if there was something interested there, I stood my ground. I couldn't see him, which meant he wasn't _too _close, but I could feel his presence there.

'_Oh, Ichigo… If I told you, what would you say?'_

I asked myself the question, though I already knew the answer. If I told him that I loved him, he would probably laugh, or freak out, and turn away. He would never understand how I felt about him, much less return the feeling.

"Rukia, wake up!"

For a second, he sounded angry. But then I heard something else. Could it be? Was that… _concern… _I had heard in his voice.

No. It had to have been wishful thinking.

"Rukia!"

I was taken aback when he suddenly put his hands on my shoulders. But I held my breath, trying my hardest to avoid him. I didn't want him to look into my eyes. I didn't want him to see what I was hiding; what I had kept bottled up inside of me for so long.

Finally, I could hear him let out a frustrated sigh, and he shook my shoulders.

"Rukia, snap out of it! What's wrong with you?" I thought him say something else. It sounded like; and what can I do?, but I was probably just hearing things.

He stopped shaking me, and his tense arms drooped, loosening up. His grip loosened on my shoulders. I stood there, almost fighting back tears. I wanted to look him in the eyes, but I knew that I couldn't.

"Rukia…"

'_Oh Ichigo, if only I could tell you…'_

His hands dropped and went to his side. He stood there, as silently as me. It was an awkward silence. One that I wished would end. If we had been in a movie, Orihime's appearance would have been right on cue. I looked up when I heard her voice, silently thanking her over and over again.

"Hi Ichigo! Hi Rukia!"

He turned his head to look at her, and blinked. "Oh, hi there Orihime." Seizing my chance, I darted past him, staring at the ground as I ran farther and farther away from him.

"Wait, Rukia! Where are you going?"

I didn't answer. Even if I had tried, my throat wouldn't have allowed me to. So I kept on running, my footsteps ringing out throughout the neighborhood as I pounded through the streets. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was that it wasn't Ichigo's house, and if it wasn't there, I really didn't really care. Anywhere away from him.

But at the same time, I wanted to be with him just as badly.

'_NO! Stop it Rukia! Stop thinking like that!'_

I felt that horrible feeling rising up. I felt my chest and lungs grow tight, and I felt the hot tears, pricking at the back of my eyes. They threatened to rain down at any minute, but I couldn't let them. Not yet. Not while I was still so close to him.

He would come after me. He always did, and I knew he always would. But I also knew that it wasn't because he… loved me. He just did it. There didn't have to be an explanation; he didn't need one.

I looked up, to find myself at the graveyard where his mother was buried. No way he'd follow me here. He wouldn't risk upsetting himself for me. The thought of his mother came to my mind, and I blankly walked up the hill, almost subconsciously.

At the summit of the hill, I stopped and stared at the grave.

_Masaki Kurosaki, a loving wife and mother. Rest in peace. _

The words rang through my mind, and I was suddenly filled with grief. What if Ichigo really _did _follow me here?

No way was I going to let him see me by that grave. No way. I had to get away from there; far, far away. My feet carried me again, my shoes slapping against the cold concrete. I was so caught up in my effort that I hadn't even realized that the sun had been obscured by rows of dark clouds.

It wasn't until I felt the first few drops of rain that I stopped, on the same place that that Saidoh(1) had interrogated me about the time I had spent in the real world. That had been months ago. I looked up at the sky, and it seemed like the bottom had fallen out. The raindrops started pouring down, soaking me to the bone. But I didn't care. I stood there, letting them fall on me.

I had hoped that the rain would hide my tears, but I knew that my eyes would be red, my face swollen and blotchy.

I hoped he wouldn't come. But I knew that I'd be happy if he did.

At least, -hopefully-, I had put enough distance between us to keep him away for a while. Just a few minutes… just long enough for me to get my thoughts straight. To get him out of my mind.

But I couldn't. His face kept coming into vision, his voice as he called out to me, practically begging me to tell him what was wrong.

I knew what was wrong. I think that just about _everyone _knew. Except him. Because _he _was what was wrong with me. _He _was the problem. The addictive, heart breaking, problem who I couldn't get enough of.

I loved him.

I loved him more than I could ever say.

I loved him more that words _could _say.

And I loved him so much that I would do _anything _for him.

But I would never tell him. I couldn't. Because I knew that if I did, he…

'_Ichigo…'_

I wanted him.

I wanted him so badly it hurt.

I was happy when he was near me, and I went insane when he wasn't. And I hated myself for feeling that way.

"If I told you I loved you… would you say you loved me too?"

I was barely aware that the words had poured from my mouth. Quickly, I brought my hand to my face, sticky from the tears and the rain.

The tears kept coming, as much as I willed them away. I stood there, my hair and clothes soaked, shivering from the cold. But I didn't move. I stood there, head bowed, as the tears fell, mixing in with the raindrops as they landed on the ground at my feet.

Why did I have to love him? Why? Why couldn't I bring myself to say the words that were burning at the back of my throat? Why? Why? Why…

"You'll catch cold if you keep standing there like that."

My head shot up, my red eyes wide. I could sense him, standing behind me. He stayed silent –not that I was much of an improvement-, and I bowed my head again.

"Why did you have to follow me? Just go home!"

Once again, the words poured from my mouth, in the form of a loud shout, and I mentally slapped myself for being that way. Ichigo hadn't done anything wrong. I was just upset, and taking it out on him for no reason. I pushed a strand of sopping white hair out of my face and forced the next words. Out. "I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to yell."

I had no idea if he was more fazed that I had yelled at him, or the fact that I was _apologizing _for yelling at him. Either way, a long few moments passed before he spoke again.

"It's ok… Rukia, what's wrong with you?"

With my head bowed, my hair formed a veil around my face, and I forced a sad smile. But it wasn't a happy smile. It was one of those smiles that one would wear, watching powerlessly as a secret crush walked away, after a big argument. A smile that could equally pass as a frown.

"Nothing," I said. "I'm fine…"

"You're fine, eh?"

I didn't say anything. He started towards me, and I flinched.

'_Go away… Go away…. Please.'_

But he didn't stop. I felt him behind me, and he touched my shoulders again, turning me around so that I was facing him. I was uncomfortable when his hands remained on my arms, but at the same time, I wanted only to run into his arms, sob into his chest.

I trembled when he brought one hand up to my chin, and gently forced me to look into his eyes. I knew he could see that I had been weeping.

"Ok then. So tell me… if you're alright, why are you crying?"

"I wasn't! I mean, I'm not! I just…"

I couldn't find the words that I needed, for the first time in my life.

"Rukia…"

His brown eyes stared into mine, his gaze penetrated mine… "Rukia, why won't you tell me what's bothering you? Is it something I did?"

I shook my head so hard that my vision blurred. "No! You didn't do anything at all. It's just…"

"There you go again. You won't tell me! You only say 'I just' or 'It just', but you won't tell me. I want you to tell me Rukia. Because if there's anything I can do to make you feel better, I want to know. Please. I'm begging you… Tell me."

The rain poured down on us both, showing no mercy. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stop myself: I burst into another round of tears, wrapping my arms around my stomach as my shoulders shook uncontrollably. My shoulders, where his hands were once again resting, shaking as I was.

My hair fell again, blocking my view.

What he did next almost killed me inside. His arms sank down to my own upper arms, and he pulled me closer to him, so that I was sobbing into his shirt. My eyes went wide, tears still lingering on my eyelashes.

"Ichigo…"

Whether it was a thought or spoken aloud, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that I was standing here, sobbing like a baby, and the love of my life was embracing me in his arms. Those arms, made muscular by the years…. Those arms which I had dreamt about so many nights…. The arms that I had so secretly longed for.

"Rukia, I don't want to see you hurt. I hate seeing you cry."

I couldn't say anything. What was I supposed to tell him? What could I possibly say? Here he was, asking me to tell him, and here I was, knowing that I couldn't.

"I'm sorry…" I suddenly said, though the reason was unknown even as the words slipped from my lips. In response, he only held me tighter. I gave in, wrapping my own arms around him.

"Rukia… I want to be there for you. And I always will. You know that, don't you?"

I nodded. I knew. I had always known, and I always would. And I would always be there for him as well.

"I love you, Rukia."

Four words. Four words that I simply _couldn't _have heard correctly. I gasped, despite my efforts not to. And then more tears came down. No. He couldn't mean that. He was only saying that to comfort me, and here I was, going along with it just because I had longed to hear those words for so long.

"I love you too, Ichigo…"

I smiled, a real, comforted smile, and he rested his chin on my head. "Thank you" I said. "Thank you so much… Ichigo."

I could hear him laugh. "What are you thanking _me _for, idiot. You haven't even told me how I could help yet."

I grinned even wider. "Don't worry," I told him. "You've helped more than you know it."


End file.
